Morning update:

Brent had a pretty restless night even though he’s heavily sedated. I feel like I competed in an arm wrestling tournament trying to keep him from pulling out various tubes and wires. His fever stayed down through the night, so that’s good. His blood pressure is being kept up with medication and they are trying to wean him off of that to see if he can maintain it on his own. He will remain on the ventilator for now. So far he is not responding to the many IV antibiotics they are pumping into him and his nonexistent white count when we got here has jumped way high. They have confirmed that his central line was the source of the infection. He has had this one for almost three years with no problems.

All in all, I guess we are just watching and waiting. So far he has been treated well here despite our  hesitancy and anxiety about the level of competency and care offered at Utah Valley. I find myself watching every little thing and questioning every procedure or medication. I’ve earned that PTSD many times over. Just walking through the doors of this hospital brings on an anxiety attack like none other. I admit it is nice to not have to drive to Murray but it comes with a price.

Brent is not out of the woods. He’s deep into them. We are praying for a miracle, even though we have been the recipients of more than our share over the last 13 years. If you would like something specific to pray for, please pray that he can be calm and comfortable. Pray that his body will begin to fight this infection that has spread throughout his bloodstream. Pray that he can maintain a stable blood pressure on his own, as the medication doing it for him can be very damaging.

Everyone always asks how I’m doing. As well as expected. I’m tired, I’m freezing (I always freeze at the hospital even with blankets. I think it’s a combination of stress and fatigue.) I’m eating well thanks to many good friends. It’s always a reflective time for me. How’s my faith? How’s my hope? How’s my mental being? Does he know I’m here? Does he know I love him more than anything? Will we have more time together or is he finally so tired and worn out that he just can’t fight anymore? Does he feel the love and prayers of so many of our family and friends as I do? What’s he thinking while in this deep state of sedation? So many things run through my mind. Yes, I do know I should go home and sleep, but what if I miss something? What if he crashes again and I’m not here? For my own sanity I need to be here. And this is when I feel your prayers, your strength, your positive vibes. I truly have felt them. I feel a sense of calm that I know does not exist within myself. I feel strength beyond what my few minutes of sleep would logically grant me. Thank you. From the bottom of all of our hearts, thank you. Even if we never take you up on your offers of help, they are noted and appreciated. Thank you to the many friends that have come and just sat in the waiting room to show your love and support.

We are asking for no visitors except family and those we consider our family (and clergy) in the ICU. He is supposed to have as little stimulation as possible. I know Brent is loved by so many, but let’s let him rest and hopefully heal.

Here’s hoping for a good day.